i guess all the emotions inside me are killing me. i am so not sure of how i am feeling. it's like a mixture of alot feelings. regardless of happy, sad, remissness, excitement or what. it's like, i cant stop thinking. i wonder how are you now, i wonder how come you like her, i wonder if we will turn out as a pair. so many wonders, yet unsolved. how to stop all these feelings? my feelings are on and off. i am afraid i would hurt you just like how i hurt others. no no we cant be. i guess the most is being best friends. things started to get a little haywire these few weeks, or isit just me, myself, that i think things are getting haywire? i am starting to keep everything to myself again, let a bit of it went yesterday during my talk with the sampats. but the rest.. to who? you, you, or you? who to tell things to now, exactly? not that i dont trust people, but whenever i do, somethings they do totally made me change my mind. do you people need to do that? i just need that someone who will always be there for me, and could allow me to rely on them forever, and to share all my feelings with them. i know i am asking for too much, but i admit, i am still a weak person. the inner me is totally breaking down. i feel like i am having so many different personalities. i can be a strong and happy girl, or a super duper depressed teenager - allowing all those over thinkings during night times killing me. i feel so unsafe whenever now and then, i am so afraid of people leaving me, i am so afraid that someday i will be alone. sometimes being alone is what i like, i cant tolerate the feeling of being alone. imagine, i think that's disastrous. i know many will say they are always there for me, but i am so afraid to tell. what if i got judged by this judgemental society? what if that person goes around spreading about that? my level of trust for people is fucking low now. perhaps i should just give myself a slap soon. i think i typed a bunch of rubbish alr

the best things that can happen to me, and i wanna them to happen badly. ^ above please

I wonder if you think the same way as i do 

exactly how i am feeling now i guess 

and hell no god damn i am running out of confidence. anyone knows where to buy the bottle of confidence medicine? :') x thanks alot 


I WANNA BE LIKE THE GIRL ABOVE. she's god damn fucking pretty. can i be like her? pretty pretty please. i envy girls with pretty hair, big eyes, and that mesmerizing smile. MY GOSH. i know i should be contented or what, but who actually is contented with themselves? I just pray that sometimes when i wake up from sleep i will become a pretty woman. HAHA THAT'D BE AWESOME :) 


so much cravings for an iphone for no reason. 


"SORRY MY DEAR HEART, FOR MAKING YOU SUFFER WITH ALL THE HEARTACHES. 跟自己说声对不起，因为总是莫名的忧伤；跟自己说声对不起，因为为了别人为难了自己；跟自己说声对不起，因为伪装让自己很累；跟自己说声对不起，因为总是学不会遗忘；跟自己说声对不起，因为很多东西没有好好珍惜；跟自己说声对不起，因为倔强让自己受伤... "


have a great march holidays ahead everyone, sorry if i have dragged your mood down :') love all of you out there muas

HAI TEO XUANLIANG I KNOW SOME TIMES YOU READ MY BLOG, SO THIS IS FOR YOU. HAPPYBIRTHDAY IN ADVANCE AND HOPE YOU HAD FUN WITH US @ YOUR CHALET YESTERDAY! BE GLAD I WENT DOWN. ;D aingz, be happy okay! luv ya. :) 


--
okay lets start from the head of the day again! AND SOMETHING TO BE HAPPY OF, THE WEEKLONG MARCH HOLIDAYS IS HERE!! FINALLY I SMELL SOME HOLIDAYS!! it was a saturday yesterday and i had sports heats in da morning. Relay-ed with valerie, melissa, natasya, but sadly we got in last. i guess it's okay. hopefully the results wont be recorded down and we will run again during sports day. Oh well, time to buck up on stamina and stuffs i guess. sports heats ended ard 11 and went down to xuanliang's chalet straight with valerie and wanting. Had a great time talking about red house with them while on the bus :) afterall, this is our first time being together alone! :D Reached ehub! and met with felicia joey daniel and ruanzhi. walked all the way back to coasta sands pasir ris. wapiang, sibei long way! reached there, quickly showered because it rained and all of us were wet! actually wanted to shower with val but she inconvenient! nevermind ;) afterwards, crazyfel started spamming photos! 

Valerie and wanting and idk who fell asleep in the room so when me fel and xuanliang wna take photos we were really careful not to be too loud if not disturb their beauty sleep! around 4plus they wokeup and we started photos spamming again! 

fucking love those bitches up there ^ :) -- it's like, we suddenly got so close together, and yet we often have our h2h talks. thou' there are times i dont feel i am part of them, they reassure me that they regard me as their closest friend. how touched. :) love them! 




and i love the rest as all were really friendly and we took alot photos together! :D  

HAHA, HAD SO MUCH FUN YESTERDAY :D hernando came quite early and he like so lonely so me and fel kept talk to him! and we decided to go for a biking trip! we cycled all the way to the red house, fucking eerie okay. we hanged around at its front gate for around 10 mins and everyone like abit scared alr i guess. thats because two of our ladies LA and both of them got into some minor incidents, and then followed by me. bike suddenly went out of control and i fell. Once not enough, twice somemore! felt so scared and my friends were too! so ruanzhi told me to change bike with him. aww, thanks ruanzhi! :') went back to chalet for bbq and cake cutting session! 

and i gave the idea of cake smashing x) ! 
HAHA, HOPE XUANLIANG HAD FUN SHOWERING. ;D although not many went for his chalet, i am sure he is happy that we are there! ;D chanmeixuan and tricia came ard 6plus and i went to fetch them! :D 

OKAY I LOOK SO BUANG BESIDE THE TWO CHIOBUS. :( FUCKAAAAA YTD I WAS REALLY DAMN BUANG. MY FACE WAS SO NAUGHTY YESTERDAY. :( 


FOR MORE PHOTOS, CLICKON #FACEBOOK.COM/YOUCANBETHEQUEEN :D haha, i think thats my fb, or just search me! WOOTS. 


had so head home around 10pm so left with rochelle and tricia. sorry girls if i didnt have the time to talk to you all. We still have alot time together la right ;) and was really shocked when rochelle told me something. ouch, hurts. h2h talk with felicia valerie and joey somehow hurts too. cheerup felicia, jiayou joey, and get your feelings clear valerie! ;D pretty awesome was the talk thou. :') a productive day i can say. 


xuanliang sheng ri kuai le first! ;D stay idiotic. :D


march holidays wont be a relaxing one i guess. out of the 7days, four is taken up by school. The rest will be used to produce good results i guess. gonna do a timetable for the holidays so as to buck up and remove those underlines in my report card as seen on friday! ;D 


i guess what hurts the most is your friend and you liking the same person 

yeap, a great saturday well spent with my 3J-ians! :D although it's like only 6 of us, quite fun la. :) afterall, it's the first time we are out together! The best part is dinner i guess. The guys wanted a cheers first. So funny of them! Headed to yishun to meet parents at ard 12am ++. Great night out. :) 

sorry for the lack of posts everyone. will post once i am home after trip down to queenway with ginn wenning jioh jerry and warren! ;D