keeping all close to my heart

Happiness comes from within, how true is that. I guess i am really counted as one lucky bitch that definitely do not deserve such lovely people in my life and yet all of them stick so close to me. Really lucky me, i ought to start cherishing everything, for fear for another incident like that to happen again. This is really something about friendships, they surprise you out of nowhere and they stay for long. Probably not all but it's already nice to be friends, isn't it? 

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one more photo of our annoying faces to annoy you guys hehe

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finally had time for my homies after three long good years. nothing much changes, the warmth we share, the jokes we crack, the way we laugh at feifei's actions, it all didn't change. Pretty amazing how i always think people change but they always proved me wrong. Thankful for you girls, thankful for the amazing tuition journey throughout my four years in secondary school (( esp jiawen i ai you hehe)) the day ended especially well with the we-are-going-nowhere-but-super-heartwarming talk with my feifei. love for you girls 

AND PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO APPRECIATE HOW CHEEKY MY FEIFEI IS OMG SO CUTE HAHAHA

I guess we have all come to an age whereby the number of friends doesn't matter anymore, it's the number of true friends that is the concern right now. Really have to start appreciating every little small things that occurs in life, never will we get to know when we are not able to cherish all these again. They say some things in life don't come twice, once you missed it, that's it. Never would i want this to apply in my situation((obviously)) but just a gentle reminder to everyone to start grabbing chances and never have any regrets in your life. no, not even a small one. The heart is telling me to take a break and yet the mind says likewise. Work as usual later and yet i am not asleep at nearly 3am great job crystal. 

No amount of sorry can convey the hurt I had incurred on you
No amount of heartaches can bring back the sparks we had, so beautiful sparks
No matter what happen in the future please remember you matter the most to me, no matter what. it has been such a painful night goodnight everyone

Few of the reasons for my smile 

Pardon if the photos are not in their best quality because the urge to post some happy stuffs just came to me at 130am in the morning hehe

Finally had a reunion with my annoying bitches in class after years!!!!! Sobs even though i see wenning often but it's so nice to have the four of us together again.... Like the fantastic four. Ok kidding but you guys get me right, i just love to spend time with them (( not the fact that ginn always dao me and them saying i am such an annoying piece of shit :( )) dimsum buffet was great followed by some retail therapy and then some really nice talk with the dumbass bitchsoo :-) talks like these always caught me aback, how we both think so alike, how we both feel almost the same, and how talks like these can easily cause me to think about the life i am having. Happiness indeed but to be honest are we really happy. But like what she said, we just learn along the way. We just learn from our mistakes. We make mistakes, so be it. As long as we learn, we hold our heads high up again. Because only when we start loving ourselves, people will then love us.

Ended my march with so much memories to hold and with that i am foreseeing a great april coming in my way. Just few days ago, some of my friends were having serious throwback sydromes that caused me to really look back my four years in mayflower. I admit, there have been so many times whereby i regretted coming to a foreign school alone in an ulu part of singapore that i have never pass by before but now, i can proudly say that never will i regret coming into mayflower. The people i have gained, the memories we all had together, the fun and happiness we brought to each other, all these bittersweet memories, stay etched on my mind forever. No matter how far you people may have walked away, i am glad that all these memories will never fade. To those who matter so much to me, you knowing who you are, always remember that no matter how far we may seem to be apart, deep down i still care for you the most, your happiness still matter to me the most. I thank God for bringing different groups of people into my life, be it them teaching me some lessons in life or purely having fun together, i thank every single one of them who made an effort to stay in my life. Because all ships work this way, they all take two hands to clap. And to the best friend kim, i can never thank you enough. Even though we are always miles apart, plus school is starting, deep down knowing that you care so much always wipe the sad face off. Thank you for accepting all my shits and sharing all our emotions together, for guiding me and coaching me patiently, for the always enthu bestie that's always so ready to do random plans we made. And this is what best friends are for. ^_^

And i always wonder how should i end every post oh well HAHAHA

Because facing such emotions every single night drains me entirely. And by that, I really mean entirely. So tired to the extent of moving just irks me off. Why is it that I can't save the people I love, why is it that I wouldn't want to be saved, why is it that I am not speaking my mind to people, why is it that everything hurts fucking much right now. In need of the happy crystal back right now, please, someone kick all these emotions off on my behalf, they are taking over me, so badly. This sucks.

I always tried telling the truth through my jokes. I always tried to stop all these 2am thoughts from haunting me almost every few days because i ought to be happy and contented. Despite having always to be trying, i failed so badly. This wound never heals, these walls never came down, i am ruining myself. Why is it that human beings are so blinded by people that they don't realise they are the ones destroying themselves? Just like how i can never ever see the fact that you are destroying me, that you are just using me. Why is it so that i can never accept the fact that i will never be your top priority, that i can only be your option? Or even worse, just one of your options. Tell me, who wouldn't want to be important to someone you care? If i am really important, then why are you not showing me enough, why are you merely brushing me off with that few little actions of yours that you think will make me feel important? Because frankly, never did i once felt important to you. If i am not, then please, stop telling me i am. Definitely not a person for just talks and no actions, am so worn out by just your words. Being important to you matter so much but since i know i am not, i will take my leave in a matter of time. Because there's just someone always above me, who's always more significant than me, just how much i envy them, just how much i wanna be like them, who's on top of someone else's list. Let's just stop all these shall we, it's getting so tiring, constantly pushing each other away, having to hope that we pull each other back. But eventually, we will stop trying, thats the thing about people. Eventually we just stop trying, and we distance, and we drift. However i am happy with the times we had. Whatever things may turn out to be, please remember me 

I am such a sucker for expressing myself through words, am definitely better by keeping them back in. I apologise for this negativity on this little space of mine for i really can't find anyone to talk this out

Up till now

 

 Basically my march up till now, pretty much of work and meeting up with my different group of friends. Missing out on alot, and yet loving how much i am able to catch up with many of them(( you know who you are)) I know that i have got alot to say but whenever i am right here typing nothing seems to be coming out. But whatever it is i know this hard tide will pass, for sure. Enjoy your march guys :-)

Because the way she looks at you, the way she talks about you, dashed my that glimmer of hope. Let me go

Hate how my nights always turn out to be so horrible, how these sickening nonsensical thoughts will come haunting me every single night, how me myself will always plead myself to leave you, and yet it aches so much when you showed signs of leaving. Because you, you are the only one that can make me so attached, and yet so hard to say goodbye. If someday i had to say goodbye, remember deep down you will always be with me. 

Need a talk so badly