a break

A break from my study break before exams start officially on thursday:( Had my last tutorials for some of my modules and it's really saddening to part with some of my lecturers.... They are so bimbotic but so damn cute!!! Had a major project down with a small presentation and it was really nice for my IT module lecturer to prepare a note for us and it was even nicer when everyone in the class wrote something for each of us. All in all, school ended on quite a good note before exams start :-) 

pardon the cui faces here but i am missing trainings so much, missing those pains those aches, most importantly those girls!!!! totally can't wait for trainings to resume. Who knows i have developed such strong bond with these strong girls. <33333333

and what's life without a bit of fun and wildness right ;-) 
so in the midst of studying i met up with my bitches as you can see!!! We wanted to catch the fireworks but failed damn badly HAHAHA but whatever we still went to barrage and really had a damn good talk. :-) Thank you two!!! <3 even though i met someone unpleasant at the same day i was glad that didn't affect me much hiakhiakhiak 
Not forgetting that sunday night when i really had my stress danced off, thanks girls!!! see y'all soon again <3 

 

 i have zero idea why my best friend is so tall but other than thanking him endlessly for accepting my every side he has seen, i don't know what else to say. thank you you piece of shit for always hearing me out at stupid ungodly hours because you can feel i was literally feeling like shit and sorry for burdening you always!! however i am pretty sure you are like one of the rare few that has seen so many of my sides and don't worry i accept your ugly looks too ^_^  i am glad you stayed in my life and pls stay as long as you can, friends like me are hard to come by ok HAHAHA

 hi girls i dont know if you three will ever see this but reminiscing the past in school with y'all was like literally the best thing that happened recently. You girls made me realised how much i missed secondary school, how much i have seen the cost of real friendship, how much fun i have went through with all those people. thank you three for always bullshitting with me, listening to my nonsense and yet able to know what's wrong going in me. You girls are so amazing, cheers to many more years of friendship coming. :'-)

just next day i met up with my bunch of futsal girls finally!!! headed back to school first to look for Mr chen and some other teachers, as well as to stall time for the other girls to prepare for vick's arrival! Am happy to see vick so surprised but what i got in return of his surprise was a pull on my ear................ yeah guys that's my teacher way of treating me:( A great night with all of us catching up and deciding on our soccer game again! See you girls again soon :-)

They say people always leave after a period of time but i said no. Look who have stayed even after so many setbacks, so much unhappiness. Look who have accepted me from such a naive gullible girl to who I have become today. Look who have learn together with me in life, look who brought so much happiness and love and joy into my life. 

Once again I met the clique after a month plus..... FINALLY!!!! for our youngest's performance at NYPCO again!! So proud of everyone of y'all because you girls are doing all so well. :-) it's so saddening that every single time we spend time together, it just seems to pass so quickly.. and i always anticipate our next meet up once we part. Because you girls are special like that. 

Stepping into our 6th year of friendship soon, i thank god for the arrival of you girls. Thank you girls for staying in my life, proving me so wrong that everyone leaves. because of you girls, I know where to run to whenever obstacles hit me like shit. & I hope you girls can feel the love from me okie!! since i always annoy y'all with my nonsensical actions hehehehe 

totally worn out from whatever that have been happening, how much i always want to hold people back when they do not even have the intention to stay. I am already 17, i should start keeping those who make my life happier only. They say we live to be happy, so let's not allow any unhappiness to push us down. I mean, let's face it, we all have our griefs, some just know how to hide it better. 2014 has really been such an exciting year

i can't wait for the exams to be over, i have so many exciting upcoming plans with different group of people, but most importantly to see my favorite pillar of support soon xx

 

thank you

It has been a while and I thought i had suppressed those feelings all the way deep down to the bottom of my heart. But whenever i meet someone new, whenever people tried to come close to me, whenever people tried to tie me down again, you would popped out in my mind unknowingly. I did suppressed those feelings down, I did swear to never love you again. But at times when i smell your cologne in public, or i saw the slightest image of you, my heart skipped a beat. No matter what I still thank you for the impact you made in my life, i still wanna thank you for everything. Moments like this I missed how i had people by my side, how I had you by my side. Yet it's fine right now because i'm all left alone.  

have a great week ahead guys, i cant wait for tonight though:-)

Life

 

I saw how fragile life is, i saw how easily someone can just leave our side, i saw how heaven gained one more Angel. Looking back to old photos, i smiled a little, knowing that i can never ever find such friends anymore. How so many of us clicked, how those late slips from OM han could make my heart cringes so badly right now. Such noble man who made an impact in almost everyone lives in mayflower, he ought to be missed. Rest in peace, OM Han. My four years in mayflower will never turn out as well as it had if it's not for your constant advices, random jokes and most importantly your late slips!!! I hope everyone will be fine, at least we know he is in a better place right now for he was a man, full of honour and love. 

Hearing how the whole school was so depressed and solemn, how mr loo teared while making the news, how those teachers teared as well, broke my heart. They say life is unfair, the good ones are always taken first. Why not let's take this chance, and tell your loved ones, how much you love them? Stop hesistating, nobody knows what is going to happen tomorrow. 

Start cherishing life now. 

Classic

They say, it will probably not matter in a year's time, in ten years' time, but all I have to say is it hurts so much now because it matters, right now at this moment. 
They say,  don't spend your time on something that won't go anywhere, but all I have to say is no matter how many times I told myself I am so done with your shit, I find myself trying again. 
They say, I will get over this, for this is only a heavy storm in my life, but all I have to say is this storm will probably be the most memorable one, the one I love the most.

They told me I had shed enough tears, they told me not to get hurt over and over again over the same old thing. 
They told me to start looking around for those who stayed, for those who want to stay with me. 
They told me there's this someone who's always there, yet I turned blind whenever I see him. I know about this him, my guilt eats me up whenever I typed my password for somethings. I saw how I ruined such a great man, I saw how I am getting ruined right now. 
They told me to pick myself up, they told me to stop drowning in such fantasized thoughts.

I tried, and I acknowledged the fact that I have so many wonderful souls around me who are willing to fix and accompany me through this period of time. 
I tried, and I love every single one of you who tried your very best to stay by me even though I pushed almost everyone away.
I tried to have things to remain the exact same way, even though at times i fail miserably, I know I still have some shoulders to rely on. I know who is supporting right behind me.

I am so thankful. 
I am so thankful, for you. 
I am so thankful, for you, the one who I am so miserably comfortable with.
I am so thankful for you, the one who I am so miserably comfortable with, the one who I can never leave, never ever. 

I am really thankful for my happy pills, they are literally my strikes of sunshine in this period of dull grey clouds. Thank you people so much, I am so blessed. :-")

quick one

 yay to e-learning week!! which means more sleep more time more happiness yay yay yay :-)))))))))

Week ended quite well with my sunday spending at my new place which I am moving in during september or so!! Really mixed feeling about moving into a whole new unfamiliar area for the first time in my entire life, partly because i am leaving a place i have stayed for nearly 17years and of course, the pros of living near all your friends!!! whatever it is let's just hope for the best hahahaha

This week started off with people wishing me selamat hari raya?!??!!?!?!?!?! yes exactly, i admit i did turned a little bit darker after being in my cca but definitely not to that extent... however it was a really great day until some shit things happened at night as usual. I hope those who i met today enjoyed themselves as much as i did, see you guys soon again, thanks for bringing out my most genuine smile. #oldbutgold

 Never gonna have enough of these four people. Please don't ever leave me you four annoying assholes you guys are a pain in my ass but i love you all way too much muacks

// 

I gave you two paths to walk but if you are not choosing either one of them then kindly leave me alone. Stop toying me, it has really been a while and it's getting on my nerves. You want to do something, do it to the best of your ability if not just get the fuck off. I definitely do not deserve all these shits from you, you're making me so miserably comfortable with you. I deserve way much more, i know that. I need all my dosages of happiness, I know they are around, I just have to search and keep them close to me. Because people like you my dear, you are out to ruin my life. I have so many others I have yet to care for, I shall stop wasting my time on you.

Nights like these shitty thoughts kicked in and all i need to do now is sleep. Rest well guys, till then!!

happy days happy life

To be honest i have zero idea what happened for the past two weeks because it's either filled with so many projects that i just drown myself in all these assignments or i was really busy working for my boss as she has just given birth to a really chubchub baby!!!!! ^_^ other than that it's just school cca school cca sleep, trying my very best to sleep as i was having really bad time trying to sleep due to my assignments.. and yes, my school is that bad. :-( 

Nevertheless, i squeezed out time to meet my four precious no matter how busy i get for they are just like my shelter, really blessed. :-) Thank you girls even though you all are constantly so annoying!!! Missing you all already :( 

The past one week was literally like shit from what i remembered, all the way back from Monday. I was trying to badly to get a breather from everything i was doing, but it was so tough, it was like literally impossible. Time seems to not wait for me, i needed time, i wanted time to slow down. whatever it is, i am glad it's sunday right now and I am really looking forward to a brand new week!! AND OHYA I AM SO GLAD THERE'S LLAOLLAO IN SP, IT'S SUCH A HAPPINESS NOW I WANT TO STUDY IN SP PLS

To be juggling so many things at once is such a chore, I always like to be busy, I like the feeling of being able to sleep once my head touches my pillow, I like how is it like to not overthink at night. But this one whole week was hell, everything i dislike all came back at once, I saw how vulnerable i really was, and I hate that. I hate how now the slightest thing can trigger my deepest emotion, i hate how i over think every single moment this week. It was such a shitty week, i hope everything will come to an end soon, please. My heart aches so badly but i know it's a blessing in disguise, and i could not have anyone to blame except for myself. I know it's the end but no way i will put an end to all these memories. No matter how long my heart continue to ache, i know nothing will ever change. I am happier that you are happier, I am happier that you taught me such a valuable lesson in life. It's really time for me to start caring for those who are constantly by my side, and let go of those who need to go, regardless whether it's intended or not. I know I will be happier, i need to stop feeling so drained, i am the only one who can save myself. Bad days doesn't mean a bad life, i get that. Chin up crystal. :-) 

If you step into my life just to show how gullible and naive i am, then please, fuck off. No point in all those promises when all you can do is just talk. Your words are so cheap, your talks are really pointless, just fucking leave me alone.

July started pretty well and just like this, a week of the new term is gone.. how fast could time get!!! Assignments are slowly piling up and there ain't really much time for me to have fun but nonetheless i am still loving school for the companionship is really good. :-) 

Had another thank god it's Friday friday, but sincere apology to my twin who wanted to have fun but end up i was troubling her the whole night. Nevertheless, i had my fill of fun and it was good meeting my favourite boy after so long. :-)

i guess this is just me, i find it so hard to accept new people. 

the repeated cycle of getting to know each other again, 

building trust and actually debating if that person is worth keeping, 

is just so tiring. 

please don't come in at this time, i am still healing over that one though. 

please don't leave at this time too, i would really need you though. 

Have a good week ahead guys, i can't wait for the arrival for Monday because i am finally meeting my felfel!!! yayyyyyy ^__^