Probably that's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt.

Loving meaningful days that i get to spend with my sweethearts, be it short or long. Have been working all day long with wenning and finally had a day off and decided to spend my day with this girl of mine. Caught endless love with her((seems gay but hehe i love her)) The day was so great until something happened at night which we two will always laugh upon mentioning i guess :-) 

Life is so mundance without meeting my happy pills recently, is it always true that people can't stay forever? I always thought i could seek refuge in other things and not make this little space so filled with negativity but it has become a habit for me to express myself truely through my long or short posts. This vicious cycle repeats, when new people come in the old ones leave, you tried to maintain with the new ones and accidentally neglected the old ones, and to the extent that nothing can seems to save it. How upset. I feel so sorry for them, for how much i always accidentally neglect them, for how selfish i get, for how much i thought i had contributed but actually i did shit at all, for how i always take people for granted, and for how whiny i get when nobody seems to be there but actually i basically pushed everyone away.

I am so apologetic towards my heart, for always disagreeing with where my brain heads and have it wrenched over and over again.  How suffocating at times when i know basically i could do nothing about some things and just let it pass by me like this. I always believe that as long as people put in that effort, all can stay. 

Hating nights like this when i know this thinking just rolls into a bigger snowball as time passes. There's just this part in me telling me that i need to save myself from all these and yet another part of me just love to drown into all these thoughts. Always a question to ponder, what's with humans? Why is it that many of us can't save ourselves, why is it that we are always allowing our emotions to take over us, why is it that we let those emotions have a bigger say? 

I will continue to try, no matter how tough this may get because i know i can never ever afford to lose anyone of you. & by that, i mean every single one of you that are really important to me. I hate losing people, the number is increasing and i hated myself for that. Am i really that bad at keeping people? 

& only now, i realized how foolish i was to be unhappy during the past whereby everything was so perfect as compared to now. Those pieces were intact, just look at now, they are all over the ground, they hurt so much. But no, i am picking them up.

Things will get better tomorrow, right? At least for the fact that elder sis is getting her solemnization done tomorrow, gently put a smile on my face. :-)

An amazing february with my certain group of friends :-) 

Work has started and it's really tiring but thanks to wenning i'm glad theres still like this motivation to go to work!!!! Haha anyway my darlings rock and eve had their seventeenth celebrated consecutively!!! And am really glad they had fun because the smile on their faces just unknowingly bring my smile out too!!!! Loving days whereby i get to just enjoy with my favourites ^_^

Always telling myself to stay away from those thoughts that only leads me to an even deeper hole that i know i can't climb up if i were to sink even deeper. Always telling myself to kick the image of us out of my mind, always telling myself that it's a no for us. But how do i convince myself that whatever we did were just for fun? No i can't 

So upsetting to see myself to be unable to cross you this hurdle. Friends don't come easily so i am not giving up, never will i give up on people i cherish. I may be bad at showing how much people mean to me but if you are one of those i really treasure and cherish, i will never ever give you up even how you push me away 

So awful to be having the same feeling when i wake that i brought to bed, hoping that sleeping will unknowinly brings it away. But how wrong am i, to not know that i am just lying to myself. At the end of the day they will still be there, trying to take over me. Fuck human beings 

because it has been realllllllly long HAHAHAHA

Haven't been realising how long i have been neglecting this little space of mine but now i do so here i am...... with the spam of photos HAHAHAHA

Work had really took up alot of my time but i've quitted the previous one and am starting my new job tmr!!! Prays all goes well ^__^ & while work gets a little big boring... I'm glad i have the few groups of friends around me. :-) But i can't really remember what i did because apparently i went out almost every single day but due to my short term memory i can only rely on the photos to remember.... hahaha stupid crystal

Day out to celebrate emily's 17th. :-) 

a pity that dearest jiayu wasn't able to join us due to her food poisoning but it's fine because i am sure we will meet soon! A well spent evening with this group of girls that still stick close together. What can be better? Love you girls :-*

chomp x2 with the usuals ;-) 
this probably may be nearly two weeks back but my 2014 is really good with this group of people. A night where just food and the nonsense match really well together. 

............................. FAST FORWARD TO NEW YEAR PLEASE

chu1 ^_^

Always loving chinese new year ever since i am sensible because not only i get to see my relatives that i see once in a year, angpows are good too!! AND NOT FORGETTING THOSE NEW YEAR GOODIES THAT MADE ME SO FAT OH GOD. New year kicked off well with the usual countdown with the family at home and then the mandatory self photoshoots at grandpa's place before heading out really early in the morning. Is it just my family or what but we always go out at like what, 10am everyday during new year HAHAHAHA. Chu1 was fun with the catchups and headed home at about 4pm, where the annoying came at about 5plus 6. Day ended so well ^__^

chu2 ^_^
the usual visitings continued.... i forgot to take photos on this day TT

chu3 ^_^
YAY MY MOST AWAITED DAYYYYYY

MY FAVOURITE TWO ALWAYS

just look at chester and his cards....... PLUS HES THE BANKER

Headed to nanny's place early in the morning and had a really nice catchup with her son's daughters all those!!! okay they are just like toddlers though haha. Went a few other places before i met up with the usuals at Joe's place for a good feast!!!! A great night playing games with a bit of the usual. A pity i had to leave early, and missed jelly!!!! sobsssssssss :-( but well there's always a next time ^_^ Loving this group of friends and even though some we just met this year, it's always fun to be hanging around with them. A bunch who never judge and accept anyone for who they are. Thanks babies i love you all so muchieeeeeeeeeee

chu4 ^_^

chu4 falls on 3feb, which is my bestie Mr Han's birthday!!! so since i ain't celebrating with him, i decided to go easy with just some food as his birthday present. Am glad to see how thankful he is for the birthday gifts haha!!! Happy 17th junseo ^_^ Afterthat headed to have some grocery shopping for steamboat at xuanliang's place with the few that i really miss the most. :-( Am glad steamboat turns out fun and the phototaking part was such a hassle.... GUYS GUYS GUYS HAHAHAHA. A pity that chinhong was not able to join us... AGAIN. :-( too busy with his girlfriend sobs hehe kidding, and ohya i really love this group of people also!!! The nonsense and bullshits that just come out so naturally... HAHA I KNOW WHY WE ARE FRIENDSSSSSS

Had fat boys the next day with my another group of friends followed by some icecream was really good. Am glad to have them too. :-) 

THE COFFEE DAILY!!!!!!

so yeah, decided to head down to the cafe that me and my BFFL(as the person claims hahaha) always wanted to go!! was late as usual because before that i met GINN ONG ZUOEN for some retail therapy, and there goes my money.... sobsssss

Anyway, the coffee daily is a cafe located at serangoon gardens and i should say the ambience is really good! Had such a long catchup with the accompany of great food ( oh did i mention how good their cookie frappe was HAHAHA) Their rainbow cake was realllllllly good also!!!! & long catchups like this always feel that i am such a busy girl who really need to slow down my pace in life... i may just miss out some people if i am to continue like this... right 

Day was so great to be meeting people i adore. (bet ginn's gonna be like hell yeahhhh bij HAHA ai ni ginn) 

Just on friday, i went out with my girl to buy something and we ended talking like really long at swensens. See, once again long catchups like this always make me feel like pouring everything out but again i've no idea how should i. But still, thank you my girl for making the effort to try to make me better. It surprised me how people can see the inner self that i always try to hide. & i am really glad to have people like them around me, at least i know i am still appreciated. Thank you so much my girl, you know who you are. :-) 

& then i headed over to dilys's place with christine for new year steamboat and also to celebrate valerie's birthday!! A great night catching up with the girls i've known since primary2. Friends like these.... must keep what right!!!! Night ended with stupid games that i know it's fine because it's always the company that matters. Thanks girls. :)

Just yesterday ^_^

Hectic morning due to some irresponsible seller but am glad i am still on time to meet my dearest feifei :-* An impromptu meet up with the girl that we just decided on friday night. How much we miss each other!!!! Loving how shes always ready to update me about her life and shes so cute!!! the way she conveys her story never fails to make me laugh at her :-) we also caught the lionmen!!!! since both of us have been waiting to watch that movie! But ... the movie was just average... maybe it's just me heehee. Left her to meet my friend before meeting with the clique!!! CANT WAIT TO HAVE ANOTHER OUTING WITH HER, WITH WENWEN AND ROUJUN THIS TIME ROUND. LOVING YOU FEI, THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE WITH ME

Left my friend at about 5 and headed down to dhobby to find my favourite girlssssss!!! FINALLY MAN WE REUNITEDDDDD IT WAS SO DIFFICULT TO GATHER THE FIVE OF US. :-( so super happy crystal was so excited that she was.... late for half an hour HAHAHA.

We all went to huiwen's workplace to wait for her and as usual, she was so slow...... so we took some photos while waiting for our girl!!! 

Afterwards we headed straight to the place where we all agreed to have dinner at!! Sukiya was great, just that the variety of food may be a little too small! But still, it was still a heartwarming meal with my girls. Reminiscing how easily it was for us to gather during recess and not be embarrassed at what anyone of us did, i really miss them so much. :-( Imagine my poly life without them.... ah damn it TTTTTTTTTTTTT sobs x infinity 

so as usual the motherly crystal feed all of them while we all chitchatted throughout the whole dinner, amazing how five different personalities can click so well together. The power of our friendship is beyond words, and needless to say, these will be the four bridesmaids you gonna see on my wedding day!!!  

Just by looking at these pictures make my cheek muscles to cringe, just how much i love the four of them. I know even if we dont talk for weeks, once we meet we are bound to speak everything out. The feeling is so special, just like how these girls are so special to me. :-) Thank you girls for the great night, see you all on our dajie's birthday again!!!! 

Finally a sunday today, a rest day for me at home, to be able to push away all outings because le mom booked me long ago, also to be able to recharge myself for yet another hectic week. Loving how busy i am everyday because this keeps me away from thinking so much into things , how they keep me away from being on hiatus mode, for i know if i were to be so free, i may just go crazy. But still, every night i can't help but to get reminded how a lousy girl i am. I shouldnt be doing all these but what the fuck am i doing. This is so tiring, so tiring to be constantly fighting with the inner emotions that i would never show it out. People always tell me to be brave and tell them how i feel but how do you even express yourself when you know all you gonna get back is more and more judging. There are too many happenings i can't even handle but i must. fuck i hate sadness haha

Be back soon to update you guys, thanks for going through this long post!!! ^_^