Because facing such emotions every single night drains me entirely. And by that, I really mean entirely. So tired to the extent of moving just irks me off. Why is it that I can't save the people I love, why is it that I wouldn't want to be saved, why is it that I am not speaking my mind to people, why is it that everything hurts fucking much right now. In need of the happy crystal back right now, please, someone kick all these emotions off on my behalf, they are taking over me, so badly. This sucks.

I always tried telling the truth through my jokes. I always tried to stop all these 2am thoughts from haunting me almost every few days because i ought to be happy and contented. Despite having always to be trying, i failed so badly. This wound never heals, these walls never came down, i am ruining myself. Why is it that human beings are so blinded by people that they don't realise they are the ones destroying themselves? Just like how i can never ever see the fact that you are destroying me, that you are just using me. Why is it so that i can never accept the fact that i will never be your top priority, that i can only be your option? Or even worse, just one of your options. Tell me, who wouldn't want to be important to someone you care? If i am really important, then why are you not showing me enough, why are you merely brushing me off with that few little actions of yours that you think will make me feel important? Because frankly, never did i once felt important to you. If i am not, then please, stop telling me i am. Definitely not a person for just talks and no actions, am so worn out by just your words. Being important to you matter so much but since i know i am not, i will take my leave in a matter of time. Because there's just someone always above me, who's always more significant than me, just how much i envy them, just how much i wanna be like them, who's on top of someone else's list. Let's just stop all these shall we, it's getting so tiring, constantly pushing each other away, having to hope that we pull each other back. But eventually, we will stop trying, thats the thing about people. Eventually we just stop trying, and we distance, and we drift. However i am happy with the times we had. Whatever things may turn out to be, please remember me 

I am such a sucker for expressing myself through words, am definitely better by keeping them back in. I apologise for this negativity on this little space of mine for i really can't find anyone to talk this out

Up till now

 

 Basically my march up till now, pretty much of work and meeting up with my different group of friends. Missing out on alot, and yet loving how much i am able to catch up with many of them(( you know who you are)) I know that i have got alot to say but whenever i am right here typing nothing seems to be coming out. But whatever it is i know this hard tide will pass, for sure. Enjoy your march guys :-)

Because the way she looks at you, the way she talks about you, dashed my that glimmer of hope. Let me go

Hate how my nights always turn out to be so horrible, how these sickening nonsensical thoughts will come haunting me every single night, how me myself will always plead myself to leave you, and yet it aches so much when you showed signs of leaving. Because you, you are the only one that can make me so attached, and yet so hard to say goodbye. If someday i had to say goodbye, remember deep down you will always be with me. 

Need a talk so badly