Nights like these i really would love to hear from you.

Am i not even worth a few minutes of your time? i just want an explanation and you may take your leave. But please, don't leave me hanging anymore. Can you come back to me, just please i have lost all my pillars of support at one go, who can i rely on right now? Even if you tell me the reason you left was because you are sick of my nonsense, go ahead. & yes, that's how much i am craving for your explanation. At least when i fall, i learn. Don't just make me fall without a reason. Your wound will never heal on me. Fucking useless piece of crap crystal well done to you 

What the fuck is a vulnerable crystal i hate to see this side of me resurfacing but i'm really clueless on how do i continue from this point of time there's just too much to even handle right now

Still, i thank mom for listening to my rants, she never fails to make me feel better, she never fails to teach me how to love. love you mummy

All I can do now is to drown myself into distractions but it's really so hard to listen to your head when your heart is speaking so much louder. But there's nothing I can do, it's time things fall back in places, I've no other choices left.

life lor

someone just tell me how can i not enjoy school when i have 20 wonderful loving girls in my class. thank god for my closer ones in class, but everyone is still fabulous okie hehe :-* 

Not forgetting the academic part in school, it is getting really heavy with all the projects happening concurrently and those upcoming tests. but nevertheless i am still loving school and also the db girls, so much love from them every single time training starts^_^ 


" because they say if you want your life to be good, it will be good" i guess this is so true, i am glad life turns out this way, i am glad those who are staying stayed, those who wanna leave left, those who love me still continuing loving me and to those who always tolerated my nonsense and bullshits, continue to stay in my life because too many people left i am so empty right now. missing so many old faces that i really wish for 48hours daily, i need to see all those that i miss dearly really soon. Meanwhile let's just stay contented with life :-) 

sooooooo glad that even though not all, many of us turned up at Luke's first month baby shower and as usual, nothing beats having to see this bunch of monkeys that i spent 2 years with, mugging and playing and doing nonsensical stuffs that never fail to make me smile everytime i think of them. so much love for justice, see you again soon guys!!! times like this i wish they never end, guess i am still adapting to what's new. :-) 

enjoy school guys!!!

No, not yet please.

School is so busy that it's tiring me out so badly and yet there's still so many ongoing things. When can all these stop, someone just stop them please. Nearly 1am and wondering who are not treating me like shit as apparently everyone does it ... wtf crystal what's wrong with you

Because it's really nice to have at least one person who will still ask if I am ok. Things are getting so hard I don't even know what to do anymore. Let's just get back to work.

It was such a good wake up call, that's it. Everyone is leaving, what's so difficult just to stay? Please just kill me in my sleep this is so tiring.

Long april.

18April2014
Headed over to sweechoon with the usual people in mayflower to have like a so-called farewell dinner for kimjioh!! The news of him migrating over to australia to study really did hit many of us and took us aback, never have we imagine that someday our friends have to leave us. Or should i say, not so soon at least. But well, it's for his future best and obviously we have to give him all our luck for him to excel. Dinner was really full and fulfilling and soon after the day we all dread came. His departure. 

  Jioh's departure came in few days time and the initial happy atmosphere soon turned into a saddening goodbye with so many of us tearing. Nevertheless, i know this goodbye will bring us a real hello very soon, we miss you bro, see you soon and excel over there!!! 

Favourite girl :-*

 #csop2014
School started on 21april with my school of humanities orientation!! Was kind of dreading orientation because it means just three days with my group and that's it we are off to our own courses and classes :-( However these three days meant so much to me. Originally on the first day I met dorcas as we were sitting beside each other so as usual, you just have to try to talk to someone near you first! Ohya furthermore our lovely SCs still created a WA group for us the night before orientation starts! Hence overall first day was still not that awkward!! We click really well despite the little awkwardness we got at the beginning. I mean, who won't get awkward upon meeting new people huh!! But soon day2 and 3 passed so fast when we are having so much fun:-( & our GLs were so touched by how quickly we bonded!! Cant wait for more dinner time with them!!! ^-^ Thank you all for the wonderful csop2014!!!!

 School officially started on 28April after a long weekend that started on friday!! Pretty glad that our class went on a journey to a childcare centre before term begins as this brings all of us even closer!! I mean, i bet all of us are still trying to know each other more and try to click but i am glad i found mine!! AT LEAST THE ANNOYING GIRL THAT WILL GO CRAZY WITH ME AND ACTING NOT LIKE HER ACTUAL AGE HAHAHA LOVE YOU TONGTONG :-*  Lectures were also extremely fun because i get to go with Pam and all!!! All in all I am really trying hard to blend into this total new environment:-) Big thanks to those who tried to make friends with me too hehehe

and meanwhile even when school starts, never forget your old friends. Met up with this two annoying for a gym session that i have been anticipating for long!! & really glad to those who constantly put in effort to keep us in touch, yay to that :-)

School went on and yes i am 17 now :-(

HAPPY BIRDDAY TO MYSELF FROM THIS GROUP OF GIRLS THAT I CAN NEVER EVER LEAVE. *SO MUCH TOO MUCH SIBEI ALOT LOVE PLEASE*
Girls celebrated this year birthday quite simple by just a lunch and the usual catchups!! BUT ASSHOLES THEM GOT A NEW FRAGRANCE AND BLUE ROSES AND BALLOONS AND CARDS AND SOFT TOY FOR ME........ always telling them not to waste money but this is what they did, naughty girls. :-( Still, a big thanks to them who made the effort to plan this. Love you girls always, can't wait for like ten years down the road whereby we will witness each other weddings and soon be our each other childrens' godmothers!! 
Trust me this ship will go on bitches i love you girls so much. :-)

 
 Another group of girls asked me out for a simple meal for my birthday too! Thank you girls so much for coming down even though how tired or how busy you girls were!! Was actually spazzing over some people with fiona on our way to meet the rest... hehehe *.* Went home at about 10 and at 10minutes past 12 those three came over and really surprised me. But it was more of a playing the birthday girl session i guess.... sigh :-(  But still, thank you guys for making the effort even though school starts so early the next day!! 

too candid i have to post this ^_^

 AND THIS. THIS SURPRISE BY THE LOVELY GIRLS IN T07 REALLY TOOK ME SO ABACK.
I swear if someone video-ed me down when the whole class surprised me i will look like this O: all the way because i never, really, never expect the girls to celebrate for me!! First we are in this class for only what, about a week i guess? & most of us are really still getting to know one another but still all of them came together and planned this small little surprise for me. Thanks girls, i think i am too stupid too, to think that you girls can light the cake like just infront of me and yet i am clueless about anything!!! Those four girls stayed with me awhile for some photos while the rest went home first, so thankful for them making my first birthday in poly to be so memorable. :-* More memories to come, T07!!!

 My babies at last. :-*
Felicia booked me a week before my birthday and she requested to go ice skate @ jcube so i was of course ready and said yes!! & yet on that day i forgot i was going to skate and i wore a dress(dresscode with the girls in T07) Hence i was kind of dreading to skate and i even asked if we could just catch a movie and have a simple catchup over dinner but all she said was no :-( I am not sure if is it just me or what but i just kind of turned super stupid and blur on my birthday. Does this apply to the rest of you :-( Felicia dragged me to the toilet and she stopped outside to wash her hands(wtf???!!!!) while i went to the washroom thinking nothing was amiss. Just nice when i stepped out, evelyn chester and joelene jumped out holding boards and singing happy birthday to me. I really could not even close my jaws at that point of time i really did not expect them to come!!! Right after us taking polaroids, twin and bertha suddenly came too and we all headed to ice skate!!! (( trust me up till now i am still very shocked at the surprise and plan they had :-( )) I was extremely careful while skating for fear of falling while wearing a dress but .... I STILL FELL, ONCE TT lucky that fall didnt upskirt me hahahahaha so embarrassing omg :-( After a while felicia called out for me and guess what.... 

YES HUIYI APPEARED WA I ALMOST CRIED I CANNOT MY HEART WAS REALLY NOT READY FOR ALL THE SURPRISES ON THIS DAY T.T 
this girl was telling me that she forgot 2may was my birthday and it was really fine with me as we are such close friends and I really couldnt be bothered by this!! But she appearing out of nowhere, especially after knowing that she took the effort to buy me a gift and coming all the way to jurong from town, it really shows how much she take this friendship. Thank you huiyi again, and felicia too, you two are like angels in my life, always making me so happy. No amount of thank could ever express my gratitude girls. :-) Headed over to 5ive for some food and chilled with them. Night ended well despite reaching home at nearly one. :-) 

2May ended so well thanks to so many people. Big thanks to those who put in the effort to give me a good birthday even though school are really making all of us so busy!! Also a big thanks to those who wished me personally on any kind of platforms, thanks people i am seventeeeeeeeeeeeeeen ^____^ cheerios hehe

& Just yesterday 3may we had a simple celebration for jerry's upcoming 17th that falls on the 7th! Hopefully he had a good time with everyone of us as i am sure every single one that was present last night had fun. Happy birthday in advance jerryoh!!! :-)
 

 HAD TO SNATCH GINN FROM JERRY LAST NIGHT BECAUSE I LOVE HER TOO MUCH HAHAHA SHE SO CUTE OMG AFTER TAKING OUR FIRST POLAROID SHE WANTED TO PIGGYBACK SO I WAS LIKE OK LOR MAKE HER SUFFER HAHAHA BUT SHE SAID IT WAS EASY TO HER damn >:( Thanks so much ginn, thanks for always being my pillar of support. :-* Cant wait to have another meetup with the other two on the upcoming sunday!!!

Second week of school is starting tomorrow and really can't wait for more exciting details to share with you guys!!!! 

Days have been ever so busy, and i love that. I love to keep myself busy, i love how when i am busy i stop thinking about anything but just appreciating the times spending with the company i am having. But it all boils down to a point, i am plunged into this surge of sadness that i can't even help it. Too many happenings that i find no words to express all these situations, i find myself so numb, so used to all these. I will still fight for all those in the past but right now i just let people go. I hate this, i hate how i always foolishly take people for granted and yet regretting after they leave, i hate how i have to suffer this loneliness after you left, i hate how no one can ever love me as much you do. I am getting too easily attached to people, i know i cannot do this. Back to keeping myself busy guys, see you in my next one, thanks for reading up till here!!

cheerios!!!! xx