First time ever i felt so much hate this year. This year, everything came crashing down, in the past no matter how things crashed, i will always find ways and means to fix everything back. Perhaps sometimes i just took things for granted, that when i thought they will never fall, fell. But it turned out that the friendship we are having is having a crisis, and we are all unhappy. We fell, and things are not the same now. Hopefully it's just temporarily.  I've so much to say, so much I want to get off my chest so much so that I have no idea where I should start from. How should I put this... My life is like a record put on replay, day after day. The same old things happening everyday, which is of course a bad thing because I hate how I feel right now. I should've known better. I did, I knew, but instead of pulling myself out of the situation, I let myself fall deeper, knowing that I'd probably land myself into a pile of shit, get myself tangled in some mess again. Which I did. And this, is what I hate most about myself. So easily, stupidly, foolishly. Just..... dumb. I just hope everyone will be back to their old self. because i promise, i will. at least, i am sure we will be strong. For a moment, i am strong. But who will be as strong as me, to think that i cried for the whole afternoon and night after things happened. That feeling of being abandon, that feeling of drifting, 说不出的痛. i just cant describe how everything just hurt. i dont want to talk about you. many told me long ago they knew something will happen. but i didnt believe, i trusted you. i know we can make the best out of nothing. and i wish all these wont last. god, just let it be temporarily. i will try to make everything okay. i will be the strongest girl anyone has ever met. 

just what are we

oh yes hi now that i got your attention, continue viewing! ^^ 


HAD BEEN STUDYING EVER SINCE CAMP ENDED. I HATE IT MANNNN. it's like, after a night of partying the next morning you still need to wake up early for school. that feeling just sucks. Feeling so lonely grumpy suckish after camp. perhaps this is what they called after-camp sickness? but still, happy that i did managed to study for physics and english. heading to tuition in a few minutes time. and i am still waiting for your text. 


here's somethings about camp. - :) i guess the first day many of us were still very quiet and did not hyped each other up. But second day was pretty awesome, everyone was very cooperating and we managed to put up the first 3j campfire performance. i am so glad that our class kind of bonded despite we are just 3months together as a class. so glad to have them. :) and third day was super sad. although our rs with the instructors were not really close, i will remember forever. esp instructor shukur. he chased after our bus just to say goodbye. upon thinking about this i feel like crying. so filled with guilt. why didnt i treat them better while in camp. but still, i will remember this camp forever. my first ever camp with my 3j-ians. :) after our camp i had lunch with many many many people at kb mac! then we went kb to play ball. didnt really had the mood to ball so went cycling with different people at different time. hell loads of fun. :) then i took 169 back home with wenning marcus and jerry. HAHA SO JEALOUS OF WENNING. hi soo if you are reading this remember what i say ^^ and hi marcus if you are reading this, be strong and persevere, you will attain your happiness soon. the three of them accompanied me to woodlands, aww, love them loads. 

Having so much emotions within me, yet no one understands. i dont mean to hurt anyone, i just want us to become reality. is it so difficult? 

Hi everyone i am back from camp. will update this blog on camp soon! i am getting my beauty sleep. ^^

Hi all i am going for camp till friday. MISS ME MUCH ALRIGHT LUV YA ALL :) x

A CINNAMON NIGHT :D

THE FIRST AND EVER CINNAMON NIGHT AT JIOH'S PLACE. ^~^ 

HAD SO FUN EVEN THOUGH WE WERE JUST THERE FOR LIKE A FEW HOURS! :D headed to wenning's place to actually make jellies but to think that she did before we reached! so me jerry and ginn slacked at her place! AND I LOVE HER YOUNGER SISTER MORE THAN HER LA PLEASE. :) 

isnt she cute? ;D JUST LIKE ME! :D TEEEEHEEEEEE. and we left her house around 630pm to jioh's place! and we reached there nearly 8pm. hence we only have very little time together. but at least we had fun with our cinnamon challenge! ^^ and then we took group photos, i am glad the guys were very cooperative! ;D but they more troublesome than girls i swear, they took a damn long time to think of how to post. SUPER AUNTIES MANNNNNN :) and me ginn wenning were the first to chiong home cos we were running late! ;D 

Oh and yes, Chinkiat and jerry were being real gay just now. :) let me show you an example. : 

SEE. I AM RIGHT. JERRY WAS OBSESSED WITH CHINKIAT. :D 

and chinkiat was so cute, he took photos with us! YAYNESS. alot people went but didnt really took photos with them cos we aint close! Claven, randy, jerry, jioh, wenrong, zhenyuen, chinkiat, warren, junhui, jayson, andrik were there but only managed to take photos with them during our group photo session! :D enjoy the photossssss , more @ facebook!

BUT THE WORST IS ACTUALLY...

WHEN YOU NEED TO EAT THE CINNAMON. I AM SURE EVERYONE WAS LIKE PRAYING.. PLEASE NOT ME. HAHA. BUT IN THE END, EVERYONE STILL TOOK A TEASPOON OF CINNAMON. AWW, THEY ROCK. :) 

just when i thought everything was going well, i fall to the deepest. just when i thought you like me, you went to flirt with other girls. just when i thought my feelings were there for you, you did the exact same things to other girls, just that i got more. just when i thought i like you, you proved me wrong. just wanna say, i want you. 

A little bit stronger :) x

hi everyone how was your friday? :) 

Mine was definitely awesome - to actually spend my friday with my awesome mates. ^~^ Met rochelle abit earlier than wenning and huiwen to study at bishan library! and then wenning huiwen came about 2hours plus later. Had a stupid talk with rockkershell, hope she wont give up! went to j8 to have our lunch, then went to meet ryan and ginn. Ginn and wenning went to buy some ice cream that cost 8.80, and i was like thinking, " dafug the ice cream made from gold sibo "  TROLLED MAX. and had a quick talk with ryan, teeheeeeeeee oops :') then we took circle line to mountbatten for a school event suxiaoling told us to go. ended up, i find the show really interesting. and the girl was super pretty. shes gorgeous cos she look like kimberly chia HAHAHAHA OK. then took pictures! 

 Just that twenty seconds of insane courage will do, pretty pretty please?

and we headed to marcusangang's house! :DDDDDDD


went to his house to look at his dog. wenning was so afraid of it, i have no idea why! MARCUS'S DOG IS SO CUTE LA PLEASE. :D 

SEE! CUTE HUH :D and it's a she, yet shes not afraid of strangers. she's sucha sweetheart :') x and personally i like the photo above very much, have no idea why! :) 
we caught " betahouse" and "you're the apple of my eye" at his house on funshion. Betahouse was a shiokkkkkkkkkkkk but everything like so common, so yeah. unlike na xie nian, it was so nice. I wont get sick of that show, no idea why. Just feel that whatever it is screening, i can relate to my own personal life. " If you dont treasure the chance, there will be seldom anymore chance for you to take anymore. Cherish. " so yeap, it was fabulous. Jerry came after an hour or so and after the two movies we went to old place and have taohuey again :) Forever feeling so great when i am with them :) 


oh and the holidays are ending. it's already saturday. that means one more day till school starts. and camp starts on wednesday. kill meeeeeeeeee ive not yet pack anything. :( 

oh and dont they have the look alike face and smile? awwww :') 

stay strong ginn. <3 we are here, forever. :D ai ni oh. :) 


i dont deny that every now and then, i still miss you like fuck. i mean, i can find distractions but deep down, everything's still etched on my heart. feels like.. a big part of me is gone. 

Every sixty seconds you spend upset, is a minute of happiness you can never get back :) 

this is how i am feeling right now. I am so glad that i have both my old and new friends. :) 


ever since primary school ended, meeting up with primary school mates has often been a difficult task as many of us are very tight with their schedules and hence aint being to meet. and every year, we just meet once or twice. but nevertheless, i am glad that our distance did not literally distant us away. even when we just randomly pick a chat up, everything comes back. i wont feel shy to talk to them about my problems. and no matter what, i just feel so comfortable with them. it doesnt matter whether we meet or not, but our strong friendship is standing so strong that nothing could ruin it. i love all of you, and you know who you are <3 muas. 


Just like my another bunch of old friends, new friends are pretty awesome as well. Perhaps we might only be together for 2 years plus, i am sure the friendships between us is pretty well managed too huh my dear bistout' ;) and i am glad to meet so many many many many many awesome people that i love. as in, although i only spent like 2 years plus with them, i am happy enough. and especially to those who often listens to me, thanks.  'Nuff said, i love all of you. :D 


And whats crystal chin without my besties for lifeeeeeeeeeeeee. yes oon and chua, look here. ^^ without you two, i am sure part of me will be incomplete. there will be no one who will always be there for me, there will be no one who still can talk throughout the night with me despite we didnt meet and talk for months. you two are da best alright luv ya <3 


haha why am i getting so sentimental gosh. shall sleep now cos i am meeting people at 740am omg kill me. 

可惜不是你

hi babes and hunks. ^^ 


damn it man, half of the march holidays are gone. AND I AM JUST STARTING TO CATCH UP ON MY STUDIES. time is running out man. OH AND LMS PLEASE WORK. :(

MARCH HOLIDAYS IS FUCKING HECTIC. OMG. 

i guess all the emotions inside me are killing me. i am so not sure of how i am feeling. it's like a mixture of alot feelings. regardless of happy, sad, remissness, excitement or what. it's like, i cant stop thinking. i wonder how are you now, i wonder how come you like her, i wonder if we will turn out as a pair. so many wonders, yet unsolved. how to stop all these feelings? my feelings are on and off. i am afraid i would hurt you just like how i hurt others. no no we cant be. i guess the most is being best friends. things started to get a little haywire these few weeks, or isit just me, myself, that i think things are getting haywire? i am starting to keep everything to myself again, let a bit of it went yesterday during my talk with the sampats. but the rest.. to who? you, you, or you? who to tell things to now, exactly? not that i dont trust people, but whenever i do, somethings they do totally made me change my mind. do you people need to do that? i just need that someone who will always be there for me, and could allow me to rely on them forever, and to share all my feelings with them. i know i am asking for too much, but i admit, i am still a weak person. the inner me is totally breaking down. i feel like i am having so many different personalities. i can be a strong and happy girl, or a super duper depressed teenager - allowing all those over thinkings during night times killing me. i feel so unsafe whenever now and then, i am so afraid of people leaving me, i am so afraid that someday i will be alone. sometimes being alone is what i like, i cant tolerate the feeling of being alone. imagine, i think that's disastrous. i know many will say they are always there for me, but i am so afraid to tell. what if i got judged by this judgemental society? what if that person goes around spreading about that? my level of trust for people is fucking low now. perhaps i should just give myself a slap soon. i think i typed a bunch of rubbish alr

the best things that can happen to me, and i wanna them to happen badly. ^ above please

I wonder if you think the same way as i do 

exactly how i am feeling now i guess 

and hell no god damn i am running out of confidence. anyone knows where to buy the bottle of confidence medicine? :') x thanks alot 


I WANNA BE LIKE THE GIRL ABOVE. she's god damn fucking pretty. can i be like her? pretty pretty please. i envy girls with pretty hair, big eyes, and that mesmerizing smile. MY GOSH. i know i should be contented or what, but who actually is contented with themselves? I just pray that sometimes when i wake up from sleep i will become a pretty woman. HAHA THAT'D BE AWESOME :) 


so much cravings for an iphone for no reason. 


"SORRY MY DEAR HEART, FOR MAKING YOU SUFFER WITH ALL THE HEARTACHES. 跟自己说声对不起，因为总是莫名的忧伤；跟自己说声对不起，因为为了别人为难了自己；跟自己说声对不起，因为伪装让自己很累；跟自己说声对不起，因为总是学不会遗忘；跟自己说声对不起，因为很多东西没有好好珍惜；跟自己说声对不起，因为倔强让自己受伤... "


have a great march holidays ahead everyone, sorry if i have dragged your mood down :') love all of you out there muas