You and I.

I hope it's for the one last time. 

These few months have been of such ups and downs, and for the first time after so long, I saw the monster resurfacing once again. All along, it has been hide away in a very faraway land, I thought I could keep it well, keep it safe. With all sorts of emotions happening recently, i guessed i could proudly say that, I am really enjoying my life to the fullest right now. 

And of course, i would have to start with my happiness. 

You came so unknowingly, so quietly creeping behind me, watching over me, watching over the smallest action I have done to ensure I am all safe and sound, staying up late just because I am not yet homed, getting fat with me for the first few months just because I am a new resident to this residence area. There are so many more things that you have done, and I am honestly so thankful for you. Other than thank you, it will still be thank you. I want to pen this down because in 10 years time, I want to not only thank you, but to remind myself to thank myself for allowing you into my life. As much as I want to keep our relationship the way we were during the first few months, all those that happened these few weeks gave me a great push to let the world know about us. I was really ready to take on any challenges because I know you are going to stay by my side, and so you were, just like how you always assure me. Never did I imagine someday, me and you will into 'us', and I promise to work on our relationship as long as I can. No one is able to predict what will happen the very next day, just like what you always tell me, the reason behind why you are treating me like your princess every single day. I apologize for all the unnecessary quarrels we had just because of my silly and childish actions, but this agony in me after all those quarrels made me realized, what exactly I want in my life. 

And yes, right now, no one else other than you. 

I hate myself for having such a bad memory, for not remembering every single thing you have done, but never would i forget.. 

The way you tried to fart in my face to see me screaming hysterically, the way you always try to tease me with the way you hold my hand, the way you mimic me when we kiss, the way you always try to act as though you have abs when all you have got is fats, the way you always get jealous over the slightest issue, how you always want to pinch me after i burp in your face, how you would stop eating and rush to the toilet just because i was in the midst of vomiting, how you would rush over to my place to talk things out just because I wanted to leave you, how you put down your pride just to tell me how much you want me to stay in your life. 

There are so many other things I am thankful for you, and I promise to make us go a long way. I am so blessed to have you because you constantly make me so happy with us and with myself, and even though I always make you so frustrated, you never once wanted to give up on me. Thank you, xuanliang. 

Not forgetting, I was pretty much on my lowest point these few days, nearly on my knees, and finally I had the chance to tell xuanliang how i felt just the day before. I am glad he understood and promised to stay by my side, as usual. Like what others tell me, this is the phase I will have to undergo during my honeymoon period but it killed me entirely recently. I could no longer keep in the stress because it is ruining my emotions very badly and I know I must let this out sooner or later. Being numb to almost everything happening in your life can a pretty frustrating issue as you are no longer aware of this ride you are taking, and all you are doing now is to be a walking zombie. Tell me, how can one even bottle such stress any longer? Workload has been accumulating and yet the drive to go on in life is almost can't be seen... Before I went to bed the previous night, i told myself to keep away from these negativity and find the light at the end of the tunnel because if I refrain myself from doing that, I will be the one who is suffering. Furthermore, with several pushes from xuanliang and friends, I know I will walk out of this darkness. 

Everything will not break, crystal. 

Having all these thoughts at nearly 2am with attachment starting later at 9am, it's pretty crazy to see how much I have grown, from someone who's solely depending her happiness on another person to someone who is able to give and take in order for a mutual happiness to happen. I know at times, it is inevitable to feel afraid to be in your ghost town, where it gets cold and no one is there to give you a helping hand. but always remind yourself, grab onto yourself and you will be alright. 

All in all, there are indeed no guide or facilitation manual in life to teach us how to live. It is only when we start to live, then we can write down the secret recipe to our happiness. & always remember, everyone is fighting their own battles, so be kind to one another. 

Time to start feeling happy everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!