Thailand was awesomeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! really thumbs up!

photos are all with mommy and promise i will have a proper blog post once i got the photos! Gym-ed today with my favourite two ladies and am heading out w my beautifuls tomorrow to town and warehouse sales. cant wait ;) and yeah, thanks for the 10k plus views everybody! :) 

Best photo i have ever seen i swear. 

so blogger app didnt actually uploaded my post.... Ohwell fated to be huh what to do feeling so lousy and loser again tonight i really hate to see how things are right now. Yet i cant seems to do anything what a loser you are crystal you are such a selfish person why are you like this. Well whats wrong with me man sigh

Work starts tmr omg like finally yay i am seeing hope for more clothes during my bbk trip! hell yay

Just some visuals these few days :)

Just some visuals for the past one week. :) 

Right after the great cca camp the very next day i went to sentosa with the usuals. but the weather was bad as it start to pour very heavily. :( got drenched until super wet and we didnt really played much due to the rain. whatever it is i am sure we are going back soon :) Mr vick came to join us and we had kenny rongers for dinner. it was fabulous. :-) 

The next day it was one of my old friend birthday and i had a mini celebration for her. Hope she likes it. & it reminded me... twin's birthday is coming soon too. sigh so busy. :( Remedials went on for everyday for that particular week and it was hell man. it's so tiring. & yet cant miss la hor. if miss i will feel unsafe.. sigh. T^T 

Friday was then awesome as i surprised bestie oon @ her place. Did not even told her i was heading over to her place hehe. So glad that shes happy with what i had bought for her, a simple chocolate muffin. & as usual, had a nearly 3 hours talk at her place. Totally treating her house like mine, haha love her. & glad when she said i actually made her day ohwells such a cutie :) 

Saturday was actually a gym day with xuanliang and felicia but end up that xuanliang last minute backed out... for twice somemore!!! nevermind.. & then a last minute decision to head to expo with da bitchhhh. not bad a day i could say. :-) 

Unknowingly, it's nearly december in just a week time.. What have i done for the past nearly one and a half month of holidays? Oh well, God knows T__T it just seems that every single day i am heading back school for remedials. More and more remedials. It seems that we are like the only sec3 class who went back for such a long period. Hopefully all the hard work and effort will be paid off next year. Going out every single day is actually horrendous. All could be shown through my fugly eyebags. It's getting really bad due to my lack of sleep every single day. Will be heading to bangkok this coming sunday and this is really a time for me to really put down everything and enjoy life. enjoy what is the true meaning of shopping ohwell what can i expect when i have such shopaholic sissy, heh :) Have also been arranging meetups with so many many people and yet without much money, i cant really go anywhere too actually.. haha, really got to work soon! however i am working at IT fair @ suntec with ginn this coming thurs and fri so do come down if you are free promise? ;) Gotta find another job during dec if not this holidays i am gonna be so damn broke. Secondary 4 life is gonna start kicking in and no fun will be around anymore... SO GOTTA ENJOY IT NOW! yahoooooooooooooo 

“Maybe some people just aren’t meant to be in our lives forever. Maybe some people are just passing through. It’s like some people just come through our lives to bring us something: a gift, a blessing, a lesson we need to learn. And that’s why they’re here.”

As usual being a typical teenager, emotions got naughty and started kicking in again these few days. & to realise, all i left now are photos, memories... thats all. ohwell, i shouldnt be expecting anything. Many a time many of us hate that part of us whereby we overthink too much into things and caused unhappiness within ourselves but that really couldnt be controlled. It's just... whereby prolly you chanced upon a tweet, a text, or even just a picture that could walk you down your memory lane. Funny how every morning before i start my day i would take a look at it and told myself, " no more crystal. no more. " and yet every night i would go to bed with a " oh well i failed, tomorrow will be better." haha useless me. & then i would also be angry with myself, thinking for what i am caring so much? Funny how i still think of you every now and then. Funny how much I fear of losing you, when you were never once mine to call. I'm already losing my grip, you're starting to slip away. Again. the cycle continues. What can i say? I know way too much things that i couldnt say. I see everything so clearly right now. I know clearly where i stand. wakeup crystal. wake up. 

Ok happy thoughts crystal. Tomorrow will be a better day yes there's remedial again tomorrow morning happy thoughts happy pills for yourself crystal 

It's such a strong feeling that that was referring to me, but i was told not to think too much. this is getting annoying. i just cant put it down its mad. really mad. what am i thinking..... haha crystal dont be a joke. i am just thinking and trying my very best to link everything together when they cant link at all ahhhh right thats it. this is tiring

proper blogpost this weekend i promise everyone :)

Because i admit, you can easily affect me if you are someone close to me. it's really a simple job bc i put so many things as my priority. i just couldnt bear. i couldnt imagine what if you were gone. i couldnt continue with others on a conversation about you. there's so many i couldnts. 

Chinese Os is in 2 days time. All the best to everyone i feel so not prepared but hey confidence is the key. :-)

never hold on to what not yours

First ever 3Justice class outing was great! :-) 

it was 1st november yesterday and our class outing was held at marcus's place's function room and i am glad nearly 3/4 of my classmates came. thank you everyone for the first ever success 3j class outing for our dearest mr chen. :) photos will be up soon!!!!! :) 

Have been going back to school every single day for supp classes and cca. have also been very busy with my upcoming chinese Os... sigh. sure gonna have fun after my chinese Os!!! so many things planned. excited!!! 

Was in school today since 9am, all the way to 9pm. dafug was i doing..... time seems to pass so fast!!! Got free dinner in school today, yayness and i reached home at 10pm, hahaha congrats to me. Saw something i shouldnt see during the day and it kind of messed up all my thinkings... stupid crystal.

funny how we ourselves could never help ourselves with our problems yet we are always there to help people with their problems. it's just... human character i feel? Today was bad. Way too bad. Couldnt even describe how was i feeling. All the emotions just come kicking in, eating me alive and yet we couldnt show anything out. So much memories and flashbacks just came back, all at once. I felt like a loser, such a sore loser, such a failure. i cant help but to feel to dig a hole and hide myself inside. i was so ashamed of myself, i couldnt keep people with me. everyone leave or should i say, they left. everyone left. at moment like these you will know, its always just you and only you yourself fighting against the whole world. i am getting so numb, i just dont know how to feel. there's so much within me that i want to say, that i need to say, but yet nothing just comes out. and with the help of period this feeling gets so much stronger, my mood swings so easily nowadays. sigh, just gotta suck everything back in. 

" even in the darkest tunnel, keep walking towards the light. "