Classic

They say, it will probably not matter in a year's time, in ten years' time, but all I have to say is it hurts so much now because it matters, right now at this moment. 
They say,  don't spend your time on something that won't go anywhere, but all I have to say is no matter how many times I told myself I am so done with your shit, I find myself trying again. 
They say, I will get over this, for this is only a heavy storm in my life, but all I have to say is this storm will probably be the most memorable one, the one I love the most.

They told me I had shed enough tears, they told me not to get hurt over and over again over the same old thing. 
They told me to start looking around for those who stayed, for those who want to stay with me. 
They told me there's this someone who's always there, yet I turned blind whenever I see him. I know about this him, my guilt eats me up whenever I typed my password for somethings. I saw how I ruined such a great man, I saw how I am getting ruined right now. 
They told me to pick myself up, they told me to stop drowning in such fantasized thoughts.

I tried, and I acknowledged the fact that I have so many wonderful souls around me who are willing to fix and accompany me through this period of time. 
I tried, and I love every single one of you who tried your very best to stay by me even though I pushed almost everyone away.
I tried to have things to remain the exact same way, even though at times i fail miserably, I know I still have some shoulders to rely on. I know who is supporting right behind me.

I am so thankful. 
I am so thankful, for you. 
I am so thankful, for you, the one who I am so miserably comfortable with.
I am so thankful for you, the one who I am so miserably comfortable with, the one who I can never leave, never ever. 

I am really thankful for my happy pills, they are literally my strikes of sunshine in this period of dull grey clouds. Thank you people so much, I am so blessed. :-")

quick one

 yay to e-learning week!! which means more sleep more time more happiness yay yay yay :-)))))))))

Week ended quite well with my sunday spending at my new place which I am moving in during september or so!! Really mixed feeling about moving into a whole new unfamiliar area for the first time in my entire life, partly because i am leaving a place i have stayed for nearly 17years and of course, the pros of living near all your friends!!! whatever it is let's just hope for the best hahahaha

This week started off with people wishing me selamat hari raya?!??!!?!?!?!?! yes exactly, i admit i did turned a little bit darker after being in my cca but definitely not to that extent... however it was a really great day until some shit things happened at night as usual. I hope those who i met today enjoyed themselves as much as i did, see you guys soon again, thanks for bringing out my most genuine smile. #oldbutgold

 Never gonna have enough of these four people. Please don't ever leave me you four annoying assholes you guys are a pain in my ass but i love you all way too much muacks

// 

I gave you two paths to walk but if you are not choosing either one of them then kindly leave me alone. Stop toying me, it has really been a while and it's getting on my nerves. You want to do something, do it to the best of your ability if not just get the fuck off. I definitely do not deserve all these shits from you, you're making me so miserably comfortable with you. I deserve way much more, i know that. I need all my dosages of happiness, I know they are around, I just have to search and keep them close to me. Because people like you my dear, you are out to ruin my life. I have so many others I have yet to care for, I shall stop wasting my time on you.

Nights like these shitty thoughts kicked in and all i need to do now is sleep. Rest well guys, till then!!

happy days happy life

To be honest i have zero idea what happened for the past two weeks because it's either filled with so many projects that i just drown myself in all these assignments or i was really busy working for my boss as she has just given birth to a really chubchub baby!!!!! ^_^ other than that it's just school cca school cca sleep, trying my very best to sleep as i was having really bad time trying to sleep due to my assignments.. and yes, my school is that bad. :-( 

Nevertheless, i squeezed out time to meet my four precious no matter how busy i get for they are just like my shelter, really blessed. :-) Thank you girls even though you all are constantly so annoying!!! Missing you all already :( 

The past one week was literally like shit from what i remembered, all the way back from Monday. I was trying to badly to get a breather from everything i was doing, but it was so tough, it was like literally impossible. Time seems to not wait for me, i needed time, i wanted time to slow down. whatever it is, i am glad it's sunday right now and I am really looking forward to a brand new week!! AND OHYA I AM SO GLAD THERE'S LLAOLLAO IN SP, IT'S SUCH A HAPPINESS NOW I WANT TO STUDY IN SP PLS

To be juggling so many things at once is such a chore, I always like to be busy, I like the feeling of being able to sleep once my head touches my pillow, I like how is it like to not overthink at night. But this one whole week was hell, everything i dislike all came back at once, I saw how vulnerable i really was, and I hate that. I hate how now the slightest thing can trigger my deepest emotion, i hate how i over think every single moment this week. It was such a shitty week, i hope everything will come to an end soon, please. My heart aches so badly but i know it's a blessing in disguise, and i could not have anyone to blame except for myself. I know it's the end but no way i will put an end to all these memories. No matter how long my heart continue to ache, i know nothing will ever change. I am happier that you are happier, I am happier that you taught me such a valuable lesson in life. It's really time for me to start caring for those who are constantly by my side, and let go of those who need to go, regardless whether it's intended or not. I know I will be happier, i need to stop feeling so drained, i am the only one who can save myself. Bad days doesn't mean a bad life, i get that. Chin up crystal. :-) 

If you step into my life just to show how gullible and naive i am, then please, fuck off. No point in all those promises when all you can do is just talk. Your words are so cheap, your talks are really pointless, just fucking leave me alone.

July started pretty well and just like this, a week of the new term is gone.. how fast could time get!!! Assignments are slowly piling up and there ain't really much time for me to have fun but nonetheless i am still loving school for the companionship is really good. :-) 

Had another thank god it's Friday friday, but sincere apology to my twin who wanted to have fun but end up i was troubling her the whole night. Nevertheless, i had my fill of fun and it was good meeting my favourite boy after so long. :-)

i guess this is just me, i find it so hard to accept new people. 

the repeated cycle of getting to know each other again, 

building trust and actually debating if that person is worth keeping, 

is just so tiring. 

please don't come in at this time, i am still healing over that one though. 

please don't leave at this time too, i would really need you though. 

Have a good week ahead guys, i can't wait for the arrival for Monday because i am finally meeting my felfel!!! yayyyyyy ^__^